1/19/2002 2:15 PM

“When you’re here, you’re family”

I have a gripe about Olive Garden commercials.  Anybody who watches TV has probably seen them.  The “When you’re here, you’re family” bullshit.  Olive Garden has run many commercials about some schmuck whose cousin from Italy visits.  The guy takes his cousin to Olive Garden, oh joy!

First off, you have to ask yourself: if you were visiting another country, France, for example, would you want to eat mediocre American food?  Hmm… Let’s all go to Chili’s on our trip to France!  If I was around someone that had suggested this, they would receive a thorough beating. 

Oh well, back to the subject at hand.  The Italian cousin apparently likes the food at Olive Garden.  He approves.  I don’t know about you, but Olive Garden food isn’t even close to authentic Italian.  I wouldn’t even really call it Italian.  It is completely Americanized.  Anyway, the Italian cousin reminds me of my little brother, perfectly content to be fed a McDonald’s McWorm burger.

I would tend to think of this as false advertising.  I don’t think any person that grew up in Italy would approve of Olive Garden.  I can just imagine it now:  The cousin returns to Italy, tells his friends and family how his wonderful American cousin took him to Olive Garden, and he really liked it.  A few phone calls and an hour later, this guy would acquire cement shoes.

There’s another Olive Garden commercial that I have a problem with.  Apparently, Olive Garden has a new dish that was taught by some corporate head chef in Italy.  Does Olive Garden even have a restaurant in Italy?  (Can someone verify this for me?)  Okay, so this lead “chef” teaches the other “chefs” how to make this meal.  Then, it’s assumed that these “chefs” spread the holy knowledge back to the masses. 

Ok, let us assume for a moment that this mythical Olive Garden in Italy exists, then let us make another leap of faith that there is this circle of leader chefs that’ll teach the cooks in the United States how to cook this mythical dish.  Let’s also assume that this meal was actually good…  are you done laughing yet?  I’m trying to be serious here.  Do you remember the game where someone would whisper a phrase into the ear of another person, and the phrase would be passed through a group of people, eventually to be returned to the originator?  The phrase would be horribly garbled, often completely different than the original.  Apply this to the hierarchy of chefs.  Haha, the illusion is humorous, isn’t it? 

Now, for the realistic question: Why would a good Italian chef work for Olive Garden developing recipes?  Just realize that it’s all a fraudulent advertising campaign and don’t give yourself a brain aneurysm over this. 

If you want real Italian food, go to Magianno’s Little Italy in the D.C. area, or go to Italy if you have the money and time.