10/22/2001 6:50 PM

            My, my… I write a lot these days.  I really have nothing new to say since the last time I have written here, but I had some spare time, so I figured: what the hell?  I fucking hate Mondays.  Why?  Nothing ever feels right, the day always drags by.  The weekend was never long enough, and I spend the whole day wishing I was in a different line of work.  Is it always going to be this way?  Am I going to be trapped in this sham of a reality forever?

            At least I can look forward to the evening of every other Monday now.  Beth arranges a get-together for coffee, or tonight’s case, beer.  I know, beer is a pretty vile substance overall, but there are a few good kinds.  Take Killian’s Red or Sam Adams, for example.  Oh well, it’s not the beer that counts; it’s the people you drink it with.  Back to Monday bashing.  I think I might have had three good Mondays in my entire life.  Maybe that’s being too generous, make that two.

            How does one make this Monday problem go away?  We could make Monday a weekend day.  There are two problems associated with this: one less work day per week to get paid for, and Tuesday would have to become the new Monday.  We can eliminate all work days until there are none left, but then the world would stop.  Who would make my sushi or provide me with internet service?  Nobody would make any money and the economy would collapse.  There must be a solution.

            Well, here’s a pretty good one: I need to be made supreme ruler of the earth.  Crushing peasants does not constitute real work because it’d be fun.  This way, I can get up as late as I want every day of the week.  If anyone complains, they’d be banished to Roy, Utah.  I can’t think of a more horrible punishment for their insolence. 

            Yes, I know that if I become supreme ruler, it wouldn’t be fair to everyone else that has to work.  Ok, my friends wouldn’t have to suffer with working either, but everyone else must.  Everybody that has gotten on my bad side will be made to suffer in some way.  You know who you are. 

            What will change when I am the supreme ruler?  Women of certain qualifications will have to make a semi-regular pilgrimage to my castle (thanks for the idea, Matt).  I will be fair, but I will rule with an iron fist.  My scientists and engineers will work day and night to find a way to sink the South into the ocean.  There’s very little worth saving there anyway.  I will have satellites that can zap every new boy band from orbit.  Oh yes, they must pay for annoying me.

            Well, on a serious note, much emphasis will be put into education, space exploration, and to the task of eliminating the mullet.  Oh yes, the world will be a happy place, for me anyway.  Someday, it will all be mine. 

Muhaha!