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2/1/2004 – Robert Happiness in a nutshell (a very big nutshell, or maybe we’re just a big group of nuts) So, this is something that I tend to try to put into words and evaluate from time to time. What really brings happiness to us humans? Is it our possessions? Constantly having the latest and greatest gadgetry, clothing, and cd’s? Does the amount you spend on your car correspond with how happy you’ll be with it? Does the size of one’s house bring one closer to zen? Is it the people that fill our lives? The dollar amount on our bimonthly paycheck stub? Folks, I hate to say it, but I’m an
ex-Republican… possibly an ex-materialist as well.
I was raised with wholesome Republican values, and for a while I
thought even Rush Limbaugh made some sense.
I grew up with the mantra of: “Don’t vote for the Democrats,
all they want to do is take your money and give it to the poor.”
What seemed to matter was the American Dream.
You know, the one that says if you work really hard, any one of you
can become a movie star, be the owner of a powerful corporation, have a
membership at the country club and be able to separate yourselves from the
undesirable parts of society. For a long time, I considered myself a “liberal Republican”… a contradiction in terms, I suppose. I supported things like a woman’s right to choose while I supported things like a bigger, more powerful military. I wanted everyone to have an equally-great education, but I didn’t want taxes raised under any circumstances, none of that redistribution of wealth crap that the liberals would always chant about. I was an atheist, but I supported the strict moral values that the Republicans say we always need to return to. I thought I had all the answers: big house, powerful job at a well-paying company, a nice
college-educated wife, a luxury car, and having nice clothing and nice
neighbors in a nice, homogeneous neighborhood.
My exposure to the real world had been fairly limited until then.
I had it all planned out… I was to get my degree in computer
engineering, and everything else would magically fall into place. The awakening probably happened when I picked the
University Of Utah over Penn State. Yes,
people probably thought I was insane to turn Penn State, a prestigious
school which graciously accepted me, down.
I moved out of the bubble and lived in the dorms, and took a
computer operator position at a telemarketing company to make due.
Once free of the influence of my family (no offense to any of you),
I began to meet new people, become exposed to new ideas. After working for the telemarketing company for a
year, I was promoted into their data processing / programming division.
At this point, I decided that computer engineering wasn’t for me
(hell, who but math geeks could withstand many years of hardcore calculus
classes?). My life was now
without focus, I really had no idea what I wanted to do or who I really
was. The first major life
experience that shook me to the core was meeting Jeremy, who became my new
boss at the time. Yeah, we
could get into details about what drove me away from religion, but I
don’t consider that terribly important anymore. At first, I didn’t know what to make of the guy.
If memory serves, I was a little intimidated of the really tall,
spiky-leather-clad programmer who didn’t seem to socialize much with the
rest of the group. After I
started getting to know him, we started talking about things like
politics, what makes one happy, the meaning of life, etc. We were both stuck in the same boat at that company…
how can everybody be happy? The
poor boss of mine… I
remember him asking the question: “how do I make my employees happy when
I’m not happy myself?” After getting to know each other a little better, he
recommended a book called Ishmael (by Daniel Quinn) to me.
I consumed this book, then The Story of B (same author), in short
time. The effect that these
books had on my mindset of the world was devastating.
I became convinced that society, as we knew it, was doomed to fail.
We’ve built things up in such a way that one has to really work
your ass off to be happy, but in the days of Indian tribes and smaller
villages, happiness wasn’t hard to find at all.
At some point, we, as a society, decided that we essentially needed
to be better than most everyone else to really find joy in the world.
I know I’m oversimplifying things here, but stay with me. Around this time, I began to disassociate myself from
Republicanism. I cannot
recall exactly what the breaking factor was, but it’s probably all
trivial at this point. I
might be shot down for saying this, but Republican / Christian ideals are
all about forcing one’s lifestyles and mindsets onto others.
Sure, we may promote the freedom of religion and such, but
really… isn’t it always their religion that’s favored?
Christianity is promoted over Buddhism, Atheism, Muslimism,
Hinduism, etc. Republicanism
wants everyone to be happy within their mindset:
the nuclear family, wholesome values that are dictated by them,
hoarding of personal monies, etc. We’ve
probably all heard the mantras: “Making the world safe for Democracy”
or “Making the world safe for Christian values.”
I could get into many, many details and examples about all of this,
but I’m probably not going to sway any opinions here, so do the research
on your own time. And… I
have to stop that little tangent now.
I just realized that I’m getting of the path here.
At around the time of the second major mindset-changing experience,
I was already becoming more liberal with my values. I voted for Ralph Nader because I actually supported things
like socialized health care… and I saw them as much more progressive
than the increasingly-moderate democratic party.
Shortly after that election, I was laid off for the first time in
my life. I had been working
my ass off for a dot.com, with promises of massive amounts of stock and
such. After working there for
six months, I had become my job. I
didn’t have time for hobbies, classes, friends, etc.
When people would ask who I was, I could only really apply with
“I’m a database developer.” So, I get laid off and spend a month looking for a
job, reflecting on my life, and writing.
I was slightly into photography at this point, as I had purchased a
point-and-shoot digicam for my birthday that year. It was incredible, all the things I suddenly had time for now
that I was free of the shackles. My
next job, working for an advertising agency, was laid back enough that I
could do things like take photography classes in my spare time.
Who would have thought a 40-hour workweek would have ever been so
sweet? Now that you’re thoroughly bored with this…
here comes the big one: My
trip to France. Sure, I was only out there for a week, but it was the week
that made me change the goals in my life.
France was the land of enjoying 3-hour dinners in cafes, savoring
the morning cup of coffee, getting drinks with friends at night.
They seemed to care more about spending time with friends and
family than their cars, having a big house, or how much money they made. What got to me was people being genuinely happy with
what they had, instead of trying to find happiness in what they should
obtain. What more do you need
than a roof over your head, being able to get dinner and drinks with
friends and family, loved ones at your side, and fields and fields of
artichokes everywhere? Yes,
my good friend and I wanted to run out into the fields with flame throwers
and olive oil and have ourselves a nice bake. So, where does all of this leave me now?
I’m not quite sure how to define happiness.
On the surface, I just want to say that all I need is a flat in
Paris, a job as an AP photographer, a nice girl at my side, and plenty of
wine. I know I’m deeper
than that, and maybe a little shallower in some ways.
But, it’s a good place to start, right?
Seriously though… what makes one truly happy in life? I’m thinking I don’t really care about money…
what I mean by that is that I want enough to live comfortably, but I
don’t want to have to ever worry about it.
As far as a car goes, I don’t think it matters that much anymore,
just as long as it isn’t breaking down all the time and it has AC /
heat. It would be nice to have a Nissan Skyline, but not really
necessary to the lifetime happiness goal.
I don’t think I want a huge house, maybe just an apartment with
three bedrooms, and something I can use as a photolab. I don’t want a huge house, a huge yard that has to be
maintained… I just want a
place that I can live in… you
know, books, music, cooking, and making sweet love in front of the fire
(credit for that line goes to you-know-who). I’m unsure about kids right now. They still freak me out, and I don’t really think they fit
in the happiness equation. Life
just seems to stop for so many people when they have them, so I’m
leaning towards the NO direction. Sorry
Mom, Eric’s just going to have to carry on the family line.
As far as women go, someone with brains, and someone that’s as
crazy about me as I am about her. Yeah,
it really is more complicated than that, but we’ll see how that goes. I think I need a creative job that will constantly
challenge me. Photography
seems to be filling that bill right now, but it’s only a hobby for the
moment. I just need to get
off my ass and start submitting my portfolio around.
I realized that database programming wasn’t going to fit a long
time ago, and I’ve just been doing it because the money is actually
decent, and just about everyone’s got bills to pay.
My goals would be a lot harder to reach if the mafia broke my
kneecaps. I believe I’m closer to answering all this than I
have been before, but I still have a long way to go.
Some people spend their whole lives trying to find a way to be
happy, and some just tend to give up completely.
I do not see any sort of goal in site that involves me stepping
over the backs of others… so I probably have a long journey ahead of me. Thanks for actually reading, and if anything
doesn’t really make sense or is really long-winded, I didn’t bother to
go back and edit anything… I’m
lazy / awesome that way. |