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10/26/2003 I am afraid that I’m alone in this world, forever destined to be trapped in solitary confinement. The voices in my head are telling me that this life is worthless, there’s practically nothing to hold on to, to keep me from slipping into the abyss forever. There’s nobody to hold me on these dark nights, nobody to keep me from driving myself insane. The outside world is cold, dark, and all too quiet. Strange, I feel more alone tonight than I have in ages. Maybe it’s a lack of sugar or alcohol. Maybe I’m coming off of a caffeine high, or maybe it’s the fact that I’m alone tonight and I can ponder my life without distraction.
I just want to feel wanted, desired, human for at least a little
while in my life. Would
anything change if I threw it all away and started over again?
Am I completely worthless and hopeless?
Will anything I do change my position in life?
Perhaps it’ll all end horribly, but something has to give soon. |