4/2/2002 – Robert

I know, I haven’t written here for quite a while.  There really hasn’t been anything worthwhile to share, or anything that’s not terribly personal.  You don’t want to know everything about my personal life, do you?  Well, I suppose that if you’re here, you do… too bad, some things will just remain personal.

Once upon a time, I used to write a lot of material that tried to grasp my purpose here on earth.  I had no idea where I was going, I felt terribly alone, life just didn’t really seem to be worth living.  I didn’t have a lot going for me then, and my self-esteem really hasn’t been great throughout the years. 

I’m not claiming that has completely changed… but, there are some positive parts to my life.  I actually seem a decent social life now, which I didn’t before.  I used to spend most of my time moping around, alone.  What I am now is definitely a big change from before.  Sometimes I almost feel too busy.

I’m still searching for happiness… still searching for that special someone.  This really hasn’t changed much since I started my journey years ago.  Trying to find happiness is a goal that a lot of us spend our entire lives trying to get right, isn’t it?  I’d like to think I was a few inches closer than when I was before, but who knows, it’s all relative and my distance from the finish line depends on my mood for the day.

Work doesn’t seem to get me down as much as it did before.  Why is this?  I’m honestly not sure as to the cause of my change in attitude… perhaps I have become a little more important, perhaps I have become a little more accepting.  Who knows?

I’d like to think that my photography is getting better.  I just ebayed a negative scanner, so perhaps sometime real soon, you can expect to see a dramatic improvement in the material I post online.  I recently joined a local photography club, and I have a meeting next week with the masters to determine what my skill level is for competitions.  Oh joy.

Who knows if I’ll ever get to Portland anytime soon?  The economy is still crap, we’re fighting this ridiculous war on terrorism, and it looks like world war 3 may break out in the Middle East in the not-too-distant future.  Oh well, there’s not much I can do about these things… they’re out of my hands and I’ll just have to hope that the world does become a better place sometime soon.

In the mean time, it’s spring!  The weather outside is absolutely perfect.  My France trip is coming up in less than three weeks.  Wahoo, things are looking up… perhaps I’ll ask out that waitress that was flirting with me last weekend.